The moment a child is born into this planet, the parents and relatives start building their expectations around them. From the color of their skin to their facial expressions, they can’t wait to decide who the child looks like.
From that very second, they start building up a mental image of the child. If he/she looks like Dad then he will become a businessman/biker/food lover and if he/she looks like Mom then she will become too friendly/outward/Gossipy and stuff.
Long before they were born, Mother builds up all the plans for him/her starting from how to dress them up, what things to use on their skin, what types of classes or school he will go to and whole other areas of their lives. Father decides already which car he will drive, which university would he/she attend and what countries he/she would travel.
But strangely, very few parents think on how quickly the child passes on each stage and they have so little time watching them grow. Those cute little hands and feet, that soft skin, giggles and laughs, funny face movement, cute hiccups and lot more. Your little one has so much to show you and to keep you engaged with them but that oh I’m so stressed kind of feeling never leaves. Early postpartum depression, lots of questions on how it should happen gives us no time and as quick as a tick on the time, the child grows up.
Being fully alive and at the moment with your child means observing their movements, feeling them on your body and listening to their breaths. It also involves smelling, kissing and hugging them. And when you do that you should feel being present without thinking too much. Just feel and breath. Just like being in a meditative state.
The best practice is to go to a park in the morning with your child and ask them what they could hear? If they tell u chirping of the bird or a car sound that means they are present. Children are usually in the now all the time. We have to learn this art of awareness from them. Also, before sleeping at night with them ask them what they could hear? Can you together notice the silence, the quietness, the humming of the air-conditioner, the crack sound of a fan?
The more aware you become of the surroundings, the more connected you feel with your children.
They are not here to be or do what you have thought of them. They are here to discover their own self which starts with doing what they love doing. How do you know what they love doing? By giving them reasons to decide what they want to do. By giving them choices like deciding on the colors they want to wear. And putting questions like you want red or pink? Not forcing them to color the elephant grey because its grey but rather if they want the elephant to be pink, don’t stop them. They might be imagining it to be a unicorn with a trunk.
Never mix your thinking with your child. They might have a fresh opinion. Don’t kill before its even born.